Subject: Philly time 10:15 pm Friday
B.
No way that you're in front of your computer on a
Friday night. Is Tim coming over this weekend?
Or are you going on another camping trip. Whatever it
is - have fun, play hard, be good at being 'bad' -
LOL.
It was good to talk to you last night. Thanks for
cheering me up.
Once again.. I seemed to end up getting you mad.
My lack of knowledge of some things - like 'emo' as a
word or a label - makes me ask questions or at least
try to figure out what's unclear. So you do not have
to think I've already made up my mind - like ALL
adults seem to do.
I think I can recognize more than most people that
nothing is ever fully what it seems to be or exactly
what's it is 'supposed' to be - especially some
'word'.
I became curious about 'emo' when a Japanese boy who
used to live in the US (Calif) came over with his
friend (girl) to our house last weekend. My wife is a
friend of Mitsuki's mother - she is Yo's school friend
who brought him here with her. They wanted to see the
high school musical at the American School going on
that night. So she and he stopped by and stayed for
an early dinner before the play started. They live
about 2 hours away by train. They both have lived in
the US so they can speak English fairly well so it was
a good chance for them to visit us and do stuff at the
American School high school.
The boy, Yo, said that his friends called him 'emo' -
and there is a Japanese word 'imo' pronounced the
same. It means 'country bumpkin' - sort of like a
'hick' or a 'redneck. So he was joking about using the
two terms in both languages. I couldn't add much to
conversation - except to say that I thought it came
from 'emotional'. He also said it was related to
cutting wrists -- so that was the first time I had
heard the word 'emo' used in that way. I KNOW - you're
saying "what does he know?" But it just made me
curious about what emo does mean. So I checked on the
Internet and saw a lot of different (and conflicting)
uses of the term.
I KNOW words don't MEAN anything.. by themselves. But
words DO have an impact or influence - take 'gay'
'queer' 'nigger' or 'blow me' or 'fuck off' for
example - thankfully the bad impact/influence changes
over time. Thankful too that so many more words have
GOOD connotations: love, heart, sk8er, puppy, etc.
The other thing you said last night that made me
feel some relief and also - at the same time - some
sadness was you saying 'we can meet the next summer.'
Believe me -- I understand why it IS best not to meet
- I'm actually scared to meet you for several reasons
- the main one being that I'm afraid you'll be
disappointed - I am not the stud-uncle you might
imagine. Also if we were are actually talking in your
own 'environment' I can't 'speak' your hometown street
language - our differences will be so obvious - just
like I can't sk8, I wouldn't fit into your world even
as a transient visitor - it would be hard for both of
us to deal with.
But I didn't want you to think I didn't want to
visit you - I love you like my own flesh and blood. I
really want you to be happy with yourself and good at
what you choose to do, and able to do what you like
without taking too many risks. I'd like to see you
and know that's happening. I guess that's like the
uncle or granddad inside me talking - I feel I am to
you - well, at least one part of me does .. that's not
reality, I know ... but let me have my dreams. So I'm
sad -- a bit -- because it means I won't see you for
at least a year - and maybe not even then.
Someday - maybe just a dream.. I want you to come to
Hawaii, or Tokyo or a place where we are both
visiting. You are such a beautiful, good, smart,
friendly and gay (not just 'homo') young man now.. I
can't wait to see what you'll be 1 year, 2 years, 5
years from now.
Hugs,
D.
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