Philly time 7:00am Monday - May 7 2007

Brian P. Flynn,
You don't have time to read this Monday a.m.
save it to later - you have to go to school so save reading this to later.
================================================

Great...you had a wonderful weekend with Tim.
"Making out in PUBLIC are we now, what's to become of
us?" NOTE: Said with an made-up Irish accent -like the
Grandpa Lewis (I must be).

NOOOOO.. I KNOW you are all boy. I was just joking
around with CJ to get his take on your wearing makeup
and hanging with Tim and stuff. That's was just the
second time he and I have talked so you should have
asked me directly about that if it mad you sad - made
is more like it. .. I could tell you were mad because
you just said 'fuck you'.. and dropped it.

I DO know you well enough to realize that - even as
limited as our e-mail letters must be --I can surely
tell that you are NOT like that -- not into queeny
queerdom --I know you ARE NOT faggotty or effeminate
but all boy - sk8erboi - in fact.
I am not blaming anybody but CJ just relayed part of
the conversation to you. I noticed that you seemed to
have been distant (I would say a bit angry) since that
last time CJ and I talked on Yahoo -- well, that's
water under the bridge.

I have NOT stopped loving you or wanting to talk to
you every day (morning - noon - night actually) - but
I've been impractical thinking about our relationship
(like WAY overboard on my part) and it's finally come
home to me that it's an infatuation that can't go
anywhere.. (although I still want your friendship and
companionship and I always will be here for you). But
it is just NOT realistic to think I can be anything to
you but a sometimes and distant acquaintance.
It shouldn't hurt so much for me to admit that.. but
it really does make me sad. I know TOO it's not your
fault.. It's just me.. I heart you too much.

You don't even need me anyway. - I mean you have
plenty of friends, and people who care for you and
love and who can keep your days filled with happiness.
You found your dad and can communicate with him too.
I sometime realize I'm just an intruder in your
life.. but I'm very grateful to have had this chance
to know such a great young man as you.
I am rooting for you and want to do anything I can
for you -- but there's not much except loving you that
I can do.
I also realized that I don't like being an outlaw -
somebody who communicates to you secretly - almost
illegally behind your Mom's and Andy's view. I know
that the way things are.. but it doesn't make me proud
or feel good.
I want them to be happy with you and loving and
accepting of you -- so it pains me to think that I
would tarnish their image of you if they knew you were
chatting with a older stranger who is gay.

So I am just coming to grips with all these realities
- you probably have been better at accepting things
for what they are.. I have been just too romantic...
I think I am the real EMOboy.

I'm NOT saying I don't want to talk and share things
or tell each other what's happening or what we're
experiencing.. I just have realized that it's been a
consuming passion (for me) that doesn't jive with
reality. You mean a lot to me - that's for sure - but
you have a long way to go (growing up brave and strong
and smart and cool), and a lot to get done - like
finishing high school and going to college and meeting
you dad and experiencing a loving relationship with
Tim ... doing your art and your music - none of those
can I help you with immediately or directly.

Sorry to babble on and on..
Hugs,
D.

--- Brian wrote:

> Hiya Davidddd,
>
> yeah Tim stayed. We were outside allll weekend. He
> and I were just walking around the city and by the
> water and in Fairmount park and stuff. We were
> making out under a tree and some girls were watching
> us then when we looked up they said...wowww HOT!
> HAHAAAAAA we were laughing! ummmwhat else. At the
> landing lots of stuff always going on there. it was
> perfect this weekend,warm and breeezy and nice.
> just had an awesome time. nites were fun too!!!
> saturdaynite mom and andy went to some party so we
> were alone till 2 am!!!! waaaaaaahoooooooo.
> Mmmmmyeah. I remember that story. THAT is a cool
> idea. We got a little drunk on sat. I knwo i
> wasn't drinking anymroe but i did. U mad at me?
> OK, i have TONSSSSSSS of h.w. MISS u. I know you
> dont wanna talk much anymore but i still miss you.
> CJ was telling me that you said you thought i was
> gonna be all faggoty and dress like a woman! that
> kinda made me sad. you don't know me, i don't act
> like a girl at all, i wear
> jeans all the time, get dirty, play baseball, like
> girls even a little, why did you think that? OH
> well, it just made me feel sad. He's like...he
> thinks your gonna be a transvestite! AND D, theres
> NOTHING I HATE MORE seriously. i'm sooo not into
> that shit. i am a boi to the core. i wish u knew
> that.
>
> heart u still,
> b
>
> Kelly wrote:
Hiya, Brian.
> How was the weekend? Well, it's not over yet for
> you
> - at least. Did Tim stay over until today? What did
> you guys do?
> It rained here most all afternoon and evening
> yesterday (Sunday) and is overcast now. It's been
> such a cool, wet spring. With our luck, it will turn
> right into the rainy season (June-July).
> Hugs,
>
> David Tim's former 8th grade
> English teacher who now lives in XXXXX and has a vacation
> cottage at YYYYY- remember that?)
>
> P.S. I concocted that story several weeks ago so if
> you and Tim and CJ could come to Tokyo or Hawaii
> some day. LOL! You never mentioned it or made any
> comment so I don't know if you remember that story.
>
> c-u-l8er, bboi.
>